Now that Ewan is in preschool, he has been doing some awesome projects. His main one right now is a pizza pillow. It began with practicing some needlework.
After doing this for a while, he wanted to make a pizza pillow, so he researched and found one for inspiration. He then drew what he wants it to look like. His will have pepperoni and olives. He then began to pick fabric and sew. I will update you all when he's done, but here are some photos so far.
Comparing the inspiration with his design
Cutting the cheese-shaped fabric.
Here is the pillow he found for inspiration, The two drawings of his designs, and his pillow so far.
In this process, his friend, Parker, felt frustrated because he could not draw his design (a minion). Ewan jumped right in and said he could help. I love this video of him asking questions to get Parker's design just right.
I admire people who write blogs, articles, and books about the parts of their life that are truly painful and difficult. How brave to put yourself out there. I have never felt any desire to do it myself, however. Why? Because I have dealt with very few painful things in my life. I am one of the lucky ones I suppose. Living an average life, near many close family members and my best friend of 33 years. Now creating a wonderful life with my husband and son in one of the most beautiful places on earth.
Then, 2012 hit. It was my family’s turn to deal with hard times and I did blog about that annus horribulus without going into too much detail. So, when 2013 rolled around, I saw it as a fresh start. It had been such an awful year, how could it get any worse? I’ll tell you. Have the year start with 2 miscarriages in the first 6 months.
Miscarriages are heartbreaking and difficult. But now I see that perhaps people do not write about these types of things to be brave. Like me, perhaps they do it to be therapeutic. It feels good to talk about it. I do it so others know they are not alone even if they don’t care to share with me that they have gone through it. Maybe to take away from the shame of it and treat it like any other terrible thing that happens to you, not because of you. I do it for those in the future who have to go through it. Those around me have been wonderful, listening to me and letting me know they're there for me. But, I find a special comfort in speaking with other people that understand the unexplainable grief. It is so common, but nobody really talks about it. Just because it is so common, does not make it any easier and I think we need each other. If I keep it silent, how will those around me who may need to go through it some day know that I know their grief and I’m here if they need to talk about it? Well, this blog is one place to start although I hope you NEVER have to go through this! The first loss was a rollercoaster and very emotional. Without going into too much detail, I didn’t even know I was pregnant for quite a while. When I first saw a doctor at what I thought was 3.5 weeks, turns out I was closer to 7.5! Obviously, things were rocky from the beginning and sure enough a week and a half later, there was no heartbeat despite having seen the little blip at that first appointment.
The second loss was less of a rollercoaster, which may seem like a good thing, but I’m not so sure. I had numerous blood tests that looked great. It made me more hopeful and when it ended in a similar way at about 7 weeks, I was more blindsided and, subsequently, more depressed. This isn’t to say I wasn’t sad the first time. I was extremely sad and emotional. But, the second time it was sadness mixed with a real depression around a more apparent reality that this may never happen for us. More of a fog, more of a heartbreak, more confusion as I switched rapidly between thinking it is okay if our family is just the three of us, being optimistic that we will have another (successful) chance, and being utterly distraught when realizing both of those first things may be untrue. It helps to already have a beautiful boy and my heart goes out to those dealing with this in their first attempts at having a child. His snuggly hugs and kisses help heal my heart and when he sees me sad he puts both hands on my cheeks and stares into my eyes. However, Ewan is all about babies right now. As I went through the second miscarriage, he asked constantly when he would be a big brother and why I was not having a baby sister despite the fact we had never told him about either pregnancy. When I sadly answered he may never be a big brother, his response was usually a confident “Yes, I will!” His response was either a sad stab in the heart or a reminder to be just as confident as him, depending on what mood I was in already. I am lucky to have never felt I did anything to cause the miscarriages as many women do, but do feel a sense of guilt that I am letting down my boy who desires to be a big brother so badly. Before I experienced any of this, I remember thinking I don’t know how women have multiple miscarriages. Now that I am one of these women I see how, because we have no choice. The thought of giving up on having another baby is simply more painful than the thought of going through this again and again. Each day brings less sadness and more hope. So, I will go on to advocate for what I need as much as I can, not be ashamed of it as I have done nothing wrong, and try to channel my son’s inner optimist. Will I have another child some day? Yes, I will!
We were so excited to go to England for Christmas for the first time since having Ewan. We hoped for snow, but got only cold and rain. Despite that, we did some awesome things with Ewan and he had many great "firsts" that he loved. We spent New Year's (aka Hogmanay) in Scotland and Ewan loved spending time with his cousins there, Zak and Kai. We didn't see nearly enough of our friends, but it was great to have some pub trips, drinks at home, dinners, and days out with them even if it was only once or twice. We did enjoy a nice engagement party for Jesus and Sarah before getting the call that Ewan had woken up and was crying!
Admittedly, this was a tough trip for us. Ewan was great for the first few days. Jet lag had him in bed late one night and early the next, but he slept through the night from day 1, so it wasn't too bad. We went up to London after a few days and had a great time with Sarah and Uncle Stuart. But, by the end of that 2 day trip, Ewan was constantly throwing tantrums, hitting, kicking, yelling at us. He would be so excited to do something and we would have such a great time and then when it was over, he would throw himself on the ground and demand to do it again. I feel sad that so much of our trip was this way. Thankfully, now that we are back home, he is back to himself.
Luckily, I am already starting to look back at photos and listen to Ewan tell stories and realize we did do some great things that were very special to Ewan and all of us. Tonight at dinner, he smiled and out of nowhere loudly said "hiya Buttons" - a line from the pantomime. Over time, I am sure they will be all I remember. Okay, well, some of those tantrums were hard to forget, but the happy memories will be what I remember first perhaps :).
In chronological order, here are some trip highlights:
Going for a Sunday Roast lunch at the pub and getting a gift from Santa
Ewan's first trip to the chip shop and first chippy meal: sausage, chips, and mushy peas
Going to museums in London with Sarah and watching the ice skaters wade in the puddles outside
Ewan's first pork pie and first scotch egg. He loved the scotch eggs and ate a ton...the pork pie, not so much
Ewan's first Christmas panto, Cinderella. He LOVED it.
Ewan's 3rd birthday: swimming followed by a meal. He liked swimming, but I think he liked running through the dirty puddle in the playground even more. He was soaked and he is lucky it was his birthday!
On Christmas Eve, we saw Santa...he went right down our street (only got blurry pictures)! On Christmas, he left Ewan lots of gifts.
On Boxing Day, We all went to Priestfield for a Gillingham FC game. It was Ewan's first Gills game. Unfortunately, he was pretty antsy and screamed blood curdling screams a few times and received some unhappy glares. Oh, and it was freezing and they lost. Hmmm, maybe it wasn't a highlight. Well, I am sure for Jamie and Stuart, it was still pretty cool to see Ewan at his first game.
We headed to Scotland and had a wonderful time. Ewan loved running around with his cousins. We went to see "The Snowman" on stage. He went on his first fair rides and loved them (and we thought he'd be scared). He tried on his first kilt and sporran. Ewan and I went on a "walk" with the extended Osborne clan on New Year's day up a very steep, muddy hill. He did great and when we got to the top, there was a beautiful view of Edinburgh and a wind so strong it felt like we were gonna get knocked over (forgot the camera for that one, but will add some if Uncle D gets his to us).
**Bonus video! You know you love them! Here is a great video of Ewan and Zak boogeying down on NYE at the fair in the ferris wheel line:
And here is one more of Ewan dancing at Tasha's NYE. It is hard to hear the music, so he looks a little crazy. At the end, he decides to put his finger in his backside, so I guess even with the music he'd look a bit nutty :)
Happy
New Year! We say it every year. We hope for a better year than before
or maybe one just as fabulous. Either way, it is a new beginning. It
never meant too much to me and, frankly, I am lucky for that. I have
always had great years, some on the amazing level, others just very
good. This is the first year I want to say “good riddance,” the first
where I rejoice at the new beginning. I am aware that it is all
psychological, but the taking down of the calendar, the raising of the
glass, the midnight kiss for my love will have a new feeling this year.
There were just so many things this year that were shitty for me and so
many of my family and friends. Poetic, I know, but that is the best way I
can describe it. I won’t go into the things, some are confidential and
some I just want to forget as I’m sure many others do. The
thing is I think that all weepy, unhappy blogs are supposed to have a
silver lining, an upbeat ending and I wouldn’t want to disappoint. I
recently spoke to a friend I hadn’t talked to in over a year. I said to
her that my year had been terrible and her immediate questions were “are
you okay? Is Ewan okay? Is Jamie okay?” Well, that was an eye opener
for sure. Yes, Jamie and I are great, we celebrated our 10 year
anniversary this year and couldn’t be happier. Ewan is coming out of his
terrible 2s and is adorable and healthy. Next question: “how are your
parents?” Oh, yeah, they too are fine, tough year for them in some ways,
but they are healthy, enjoyed a month long trip to Brazil recently.
Well, if that conversation didn’t put things in perspective, I don’t
know what would. I am truly a lucky lady. My life is great. I go to bed
with a smile on my face every night after kissing Jamie goodnight and
peeking in on my sleeping boy. I have brushed up on my Christmas movies.
I am aware that I do indeed have a wonderful life. Yes, love actually
does exist and my life is chock full of it. Here’s
the other thing about such a terrible year, it makes you realize how
much you love and care for those in your life. I am so lucky to have
family and friends that I care about so much and who care for me. Going
through tough times, not only makes me realize this, but makes me want
to let them know that I love and care about them and that I am so lucky
to have them in my life. Nobody ever wants to do the slow walk in the
emergency room towards family like they do in TV dramas, but we did it
this year, the waiting, the praying, the hugging, the crying. The thing
is that when the dust clears, those people you embraced and wept with
mean more to you than ever before and so does everyone else around you. Pictures
are worth a thousand words, so I will shut up now and let some pictures
talk for me. I love you all very much and I hope you know that even if I
don't remember to tell you...
So,
good riddance 2012. I will not miss you. I mean, thank you for putting
things in perspective and teaching me some good lessons and all, but
f*ck you anyway and leave us alone now. Happy New Year indeed!
Ewan has never seen a super hero show or movie. He has never even read a super hero book as far as I know. He does have Spiderman underwear and an Avengers shirt that he asks about. Jamie's descriptions are enough for him to love super heroes already. The other day he was having a very funny conversation about super heroes at dinner. Luckily, getting out the video camera (aka my phone) did not distract him from the conversation and I got a few nice videos. In this first one, he starts out by telling us his own super power (which may need some work- not sure it will get him very far!)...
Luckily for Jamie, Ewan gives him a slightly better super power. My favorite part of this is about 50 seconds in when he randomly says "I love you so much" in his goofy voice. I know it is because we say it to him constantly, but I still love that he has started saying it too :)
Another great thing about these videos is that he belly laughs every time he watches them. Our boy is so vain!
Bonus Video for this post is him drawing a rocket. This time he was distracted by the camera, but I mainly wanted to capture how he has been drawing and I did. I love that he has been drawing shapes and really focusing on the things he is drawing. He chooses to draw rocket ships or astronauts almost every time since seeing the Endeavor fly over his school, which I think is awesome!
It has been a while since I posted anything and I thought it was about time. To be honest, Ewan went through a tough phase and although there was still sweet and wonderful moments, most of my energy was sucked into his screamy, angry, tantrumy moments. It was hard to find energy for blogging! Luckily, he is already moving away from this and returning to his mellow, sweet, and kind self.
So, on to happier times...
Since I last posted, Ewan has changed classrooms and bedrooms! He is officially a preschooler in a big boy bed. It has been awesome to see all of the wonderful things he is doing at school...clay, watercolors, composition, theatre... I really am lucky to work at such a great center :) His new bedroom has a block area that is very basic, but I hope to add more. Those of you that know me on a professional level know my love for "found materials" also know as re-purposed or recycled materials. I love their open-ended nature which allows the children to create in their own way. It is wonderful that Ewan is exposed to these at school in his block area, dramatic play area, composition/collage area, etc. In his own room, we have begun a collection of these too. A while back I was getting ready for work and Ewan told me he was "making a party." I came in a while later to find that he was using the tiles Jamie brought from his work (and later blocks) to create this party for his stuffed cat, Tickly. Not only did I love his creativity, but I couldn't help but notice that Ewan had realized the tiles differed in thickness and had resolved this issue by piling 2 of each of the smaller tiles. It made my heart happy :)
Genius, that boy
PARTY!! :)
This post title refers to one of my favorite British phrases. I always found it a funny way to ask "what is he talking about?!" when I lived there. Well, lately I find myself using it a lot to refer to Ewan. He goes on and on making up crazy stories about who knows what. His imaginative play is so intricate and detailed as he talks to himself. Along with laughing to myself, I find myself thinking "who is this child and when did he get so big?!" As usual, when I get out the camera, he stops his stories, but I got a few decent examples...
A story about some made up friends, Jake and Staypit...almost as good as mine from childhood, Caneroll.
Playing with his cars...
You know I love me some bonus videos and photos! This one is a little long and there isn't much to it, but the beginning part (first 17 seconds) where he makes up a word and then talks about the grand canyon is awesome. My goodness, I love this adorable boy!
A little friendly race with friends last weekend:
Here are two from today of him karate chopping a balloon. He had quite the moves:
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